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Saturday, July 19, 2008

Funny of jokes

1.Sneak in & out

The big news of the day is that President Bush made his second surprise visit to Baghdad... he flew in and out.

...He did sneak in. It worked so well that they now have a secret plan to sneak a guy in and out of Condoleezza Rice.

2.Death of al-Zarqawi

More news coming about the death of al-Zarqawi.

They say he died from complication of his lungs.

They say he was smoking when they found him. Not cigarettes, he was actually smoking.

3.Joke: Twins

There were these two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistaked him for John and stated, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about the boat, said, "Hell no, fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her, she was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The damn fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the damn middle!!!"

4.Magic Cure

Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that oral sex will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little aprehensive about it at first, but he agrees to do it. The nurses leave the man with his wife and give him some privacy. They come back about 10 minutes later and the woman is dead! "What happened?" asks one of the nurses. The man replies, "I dont know...I think she choked."

5.How to have sex

A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex.

Not amused, she slammed the door.

Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and screamed, "Get the hell away!"

Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay home the following day just in case. Sure enough, the next day the same man returned.

The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, "Yes!"

The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep the hell away from my wife!"

6.High sperm count

How do you tell that you have a high sperm count?

Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

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