I SOLD MY BODY to be an A-grade student’
NICKY MACKENZIE WAS WORKING HARD AT HER DEGREE – BUT THE DRUGS SHE USED TO HELP HER CONCENTRATE LED HER INTO THE DARK WORLD OF PROSTITUTION
As she peeled off her clothes in front of the man on the bed, Nicky Mackenzie felt sick to her stomach.
She was about to have sex with a stranger for £200 in order to fund her prescription drug habit.
“I’d taken Valium before I got to his house to block out what I was doing,” she says.
“I was petrified, so I just tried to keep my mind focused on the money.”
Waking up in her own bed the next morning, Nicky was faced with a stark reminder of just how low she had sunk.
“There was a photo on my bedside table of me as a child with my family,” she says.
“I looked so innocent, and I asked myself: ‘How have I come to this?’”
But Nicky’s self-loathing didn’t stop her having sex with two more men she met through an internet escort agency – raising a total of £800 for a secret drug habit which had left her thousands of pounds in debt.
Nicky, now 22, had first dabbled in drugs when she was studying for her A levels.
A break-up with a boyfriend left her struggling to concentrate so, in desperation, she trawled the internet for drugs to help her focus.
“I ordered a bottle of Ephedrine, a US diet pill with a stimulant effect, which is prescription-only in the UK but available online,” she explains.
“It gave me the energy to stay up all night studying, and I achieved three A grades.”
Nicky won a place at Sheffield University to study English Literature and decided to start afresh without relying on drugs.
“For the first six weeks I bonded with a group of girls and loved life,” says Nicky.
“We went out drinking and clubbing, and I barely slept I was so busy socialising.
"But it was a shock going from small school classes to huge lectures and I slowly began to feel overwhelmed.
“Soon, rather than going out, I stayed in my room alone chain-smoking, ignoring my work and my friends.
"I also began self-harming, taking a razor blade to my arms.”
Midway through her first year, Nicky became so low she tried to kill herself by wrapping cassette tape around her neck until she passed out.
She woke a few hours later, so distraught at how depressed she’d become that she decided to take stimulants again, believing they would stop her feeling suicidal, and help her get back on track with her studies.
She met a dealer through someone she knew and started snorting Ritalin, an amphetamine-like stimulant given to people with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), which is believed to improve memory and brain function.
“I could work all night, my mind never wandered and I never felt tired,” says Nicky.
But she continued suffering bouts of depression and in 2005 – when she was 19 – she went to see her doctor who diagnosed bipolar disorder, characterised by cycles of extreme highs and lows.
She was prescribed antidepressants, but carried on taking illicit prescription drugs and became increasingly withdrawn from her family, friends and her new boyfriend, a fellow student.
They were unaware of her drug abuse but had started to become concerned by her behaviour.
By her third year, Nicky was using Ritalin every morning to get up and Valium to calm down at night.
She was also snorting speed and taking antidepressants, spending £190 a week from her student loan on drugs.
“I was weak, had a constant headache, and started getting dizzy.
"But I felt I needed this cocktail of drugs to focus and to stabilise my moods,” she says.
“I’d applied to do a Masters in English and needed a 2:1. I felt I wouldn’t get it without the drugs.”
Nicky got the degree she needed, but faced with a £2,000 debt and another year of studying, she began to panic about money.
Bar work just didn’t pay enough, so Nicky started researching quick ways to make cash online.
She found a website for an escort agency and, despite still being with her boyfriend, she posted an advert saying she was available for £200 an hour.
“I received lots of replies,” she says.
“One man only lived five minutes away and I thought: ‘Why not?’ It sounded like easy money.
“I had sex with three men. On each occasion I was high on Valium and felt like an actress playing a part.
"I hated every minute and afterwards I’d go home and cry, feeling disgusted with myself.
"I was full of self-loathing. I tried to avoid my boyfriend – I couldn’t look him in the eye.”
Nicky’s wake-up call came in September 2007 when she was accepted on to a Masters degree course, also at Sheffield University.
“I’d always felt worthless, that I’d never get anywhere in life.
"But when I heard I’d got a place, I suddenly realised I had a good brain and I really could make a contribution to society,” she explains.
“It made me take a long hard look at myself, and I finally understood I was worth more than selling my body to strangers.”
Nicky came clean to her boyfriend of 18 months, fully expecting him to end their relationship.
Instead he stood by her.
“He wasn’t even angry, just worried about me. He said he hadn’t realised how desperately low I was,” she says.
Nicky called her parents too.
“I cried when I told Mum, but she was understanding and didn’t make me feel ashamed,” she says.
Horrified his daughter had gone to such lengths to obtain money, her father, an accountant, immediately paid off her debts.
Eight months into her Masters degree, Nicky, who hopes to be an English teacher, is now putting the past behind her.
She went cold turkey to come off the drugs, and says she no longer craves them.
“I couldn’t have done it without the love and support of my boyfriend and family,” she says.
“I regret what happened, but I feel that I’ve been given a second chance and I want to make a success of the rest of my life.”
Dr Hilary says: “The drugs Nicky took all have potentially dangerous side effects. Being prone to dramatic mood swings because of her bipolar disorder would have made Nicky much more vulnerable to emotional highs and lows. For these reasons, these drugs are only available under strict supervision on the NHS – which is why obtaining them online from overseas is fraught with danger.”
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